es, folks, the rapture is imminent! Atheists, do you trust the Christian god to rapture only fundies? Of course not! Could *you* get raptured, and have to spend an eternity with fools and their god?
Fellow conspirators, can you avoid the rapture? You can, if you've got your anti-rapture helmet on! Remember, as soon as you see Christians start flying up into the air around you, put on your helmet... or you could end up on a cloud with God and a crowd of fundies for eternity! The helmet may look funny, but it's a lot more comfortable than the Christian hat. (Complete with blinders, skull saw, brain scoop, and chrome fish...)
Don't have an anti-rapture helmet ? Join the Evil Atheist Conspiracy today. Our membership pack includes not just the helmet, your own personal Decoder ring, and the Atheist Tribulation Essentials kit, this month we have a special on a combination Pascalwager counter and irony-o-meter!
That's not all, you get up-to-date bulletins from the EAC labs on results of ongoing research into exciting areas such as the latest anti-rapture technology. You get our full catalog, featuring our new range of fashionable garments made from 100% HERETEX(tm) holy waterproof fabric, as well as our many post-rapture Tribulation survival kits. Don't forget to check out EAC Security for more products and services
For the kids, there's a wall-chart with a full set of stickers for the supernatural entities you can look out for. How many of the Horsemen will *you* spot during the end days ?
There's more, you can get a bumper sticker saying "I've Committed the Unpardonable Sin !" absolutely free, if you join right away !
We may even ship you one of our pre-beta FundieFilters(tm). These highly useful widgets prevent you from ever seeing postings generated by mindless fundies, thereby relieving you of the stress induced by having to decide whether to follow up or not. Preliminary results indicate that a FundieFiltered newsfeed has roughly 80% less volume than an unfiltered one!
We are also working on an alternative which we call Fundie-Sensitive Sunglasses, inspired by Douglas Adams' Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses. These handy shades turn completely black when a fundie posting appears on your screen. We hope one day to have a version that also works for real-life fundies.
Join today, they're going fast! Please specify head size and color
preference when ordering your high-quality fully-tested Helmet.
In case anyone missed it, this page is just for fun. Don't come looking for me expecting to get any of this stuff.
Special Thanks to all of the members of the usenet atheist community, specifically: Niall McAuley, Steve Keppel-Jones, email@example.com, and anyone who I might have missed, who came up with the material on this page. Yes, I didn't come up with any of this myself *gasp*, so except for a little editing, nothing on this page is original to me. I just thought that humor this good shouldn't be confined to temporary usenet posts.
This page was last updated on 02/15/2006 .
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